Wednesday, August 26, 2009

a bunch of hooey

nothing new here on the adoption front. but what else is new?

just hanging out here in big ol' TN, trying to figure out what the crap we're going to do with our new back yard... we're being super- ambitious! wanting to make it an amazing swirl of functional yet peaceful oasis-ness with kid-friendly, botanical wonderland juicyness. sounds good, huh? and yet (as you can imagine) we're having just a smidge of difficulty attempting to meld those things together. shocking, i know! maybe we should just send a pic and a letter to one of those hgtv shows instead! ;) actually, maybe we will! hmmmm, not a bad idea.

i'll post a pic soon of our ground zero back yard oasis... its truly as wonderful as it sounds. ;)

adoption-wise:   we're about two days from being ready to send our application into the agency! hurray! stu is downstairs as i type this, finishing up his autobiography. i swear, it really should not be that difficult to write your own story! sheesh! but i am, after all, married to one of the world's biggest procrastinators. so this is all to be expected at this point. 

speaking of... we're celebrating our 9 yr wedding anniversary in 2 wks! can't believe it! goes by so fast, really.. its totally cliche to say that but its so true. i'm waaaay to young to be saying crap like that though! i take it all back, every word!  

ugh, we're way to young to be this old. :)  9 years! woohoo!

obviously i've been in a non-blogging mood lately since we don't really have a whole lot going on in our lives.. that's never actually stopped me before though! 

so, at least this is a start.. i'm back in it!

and this blog is probably just as boring as my usual but at least you know we're still alive ;)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

He's still punk-rock on the inside...

Remember punk-rock baby, Gabe??

Well, a new pic has recently arrived from S Korea and what a difference a few months makes!!! Soooooo cute!!!!!
I foresee some serious cheek-pinching in his future :)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Learning Random Korean.. Lesson 7 aka What happens when a TX pig marries an OK sheep?

I don't know if that's the beginning of a weird joke or a lame nursery rhyme... But either way, I've always found all of this Chinese Zodiac crap kind of entertaining.
A large percentage is probably because its a lot nicer to be called something nice... like a "Sheep" or a "ram" rather than a "Cancer" or a "crab"!
I mean, really. No one likes to be labeled crabby! Especially if it hits a little too close to home...

So Stu's a pig (teehee).. he probably likes "Scorpio" better but oh well! Its Yin and Yang, right? All about balance! :)

And most likely, our baby will be born sometime next year, which would make them a Tiger. We did some research and the main characteristics of Tiger are.....

"Bravery, competitiveness and unpredictability. Tigers love to be challenged and will accept any challenge if it means protecting a loved one or protecting their honor. They don’t worry about the outcome because they know they’ll always land on their feet. Don’t let their calm appearance fool you though; Tigers will pounce when they feel it’s necessary.

Born to lead, Tigers can be stubborn if they realize they’re not in charge. They have a slight tendency to be selfish but overall, Tigers are extremely generous. They’re very intelligent and they’re always on alert. Tigers are very charming and are well-liked by others. They are not motivated by money or power."

Doesn't sound too bad for us! Its all in good fun and its cool to see how true some of the characteristics are for yourself and the people you know.

I guess time will tell with our own little Tiger :)

Anyway, here's the language lesson.....

Saturday, August 1, 2009

WARNING: Therapy Session

The following blog is copied from "fratmom" @

This posting, from 7/29/09, is titled

"It appears to no longer be just a Rumor - Korea is Closing 12/2012"...

"It is now being reported on many websites and agency sites that Korea will be closing to International Adoption as of December 2012. I would strongly suggest if you are interested in adopting from Korea to make the leap.
The below is from an agency website. I have removed the agencies (US&SK) names but these are reputable agencies reporting this information.
W***** H**** received a recent communication from President Min, the head of **** C******** S******* in Korea, reiterating the Korean Ministry's commitment to increase domestic adoption and to stop inter-country adoption. The current federal Ministry in Korea will leave office in 2013, and we have received confirmation from **** and from **** affiliates in the United States, that Korea will officially close to international adoption at the end of 2012."


So what exactly does that mean for us??


Stuart and I are filling out our paperwork this weekend! Yes, sooner than expected but now is better than never. And we don't want to miss out again.

We know without a doubt that we were meant for this.. China didn't happen because by the time I was old enough (age requirement of 30) and it could actually be financially possible for us, well.. they decided to close their adoption program. And that's totally ok! No regrets from us because there's really nothing we could have done differently.

But Korea is something else entirely.

We are at the age requirements. Hell, we even bought a house! And we're getting closer in the savings department. I mean, its actually feasible for us.. for real this time.

There are always fears though.. and doubts. "The unknown".. ooooh, spooky.

It totally is though.

And I'm a big, fat, ridiculous worry-wart from waaaaay back. A huge, practically-professional planner/analyzer, too, which makes it all/me even more annoying! I can't help it! It must be hereditary.

But I'm not sure if my parents were as worrysome as me.. They do have more Faith than me. That probably plays a huge part in the worry-department. I am trying but its just so hard! I forget and take it all on myself, piling it on.. life/worries/what-if's/you name it.. Boom boom boom. Piling it on, baby! Then, finally, when I'm standing there, freaking out like a complete lunatic, suffocating and strangled from my burden and tangle of stresses and craziness (most of which are hypothetical and not even literal.. you know, maybe this might possibly happen..) Well, at that point, I usually become aware of my own insanity (that's a good sign, right?) And I start to get on my own nerves, so I'm forced to evaluate the situation. What is wrong with me?!? So after initially trying my best to work myself out of this mangled, tangle I've gotten myself into (it never works btw), I realize that I need help. I pray and ask for help in my decisions and forgiveness for not having greater Faith to begin with.. I typically feel relieved and comforted and all is well with the world again. And then, I freaking do it all over again! And again and again and again..


Where is my Faith? Seriously...

I don't know.

Its real and its here.. but I'm just so crazy sometimes. I'm so wacky & controlling that I want to know that its all going to work out. I need to know! I mean, I do know in my heart, deep down that it will be fine, but I can't see it and that always kinda freaks me out a little. I want a guarantee! :) Is that so much to ask?

What's my problem now? I'm so glad you asked! ;) Why, let me tell you!


The main issues presently are the fact that we've been married nearly 9 years. That's not a preoblem in itself. We're actually very happy and in love and giddy and.. ;) That's actually the problem.. We've really, really, really gotten used to life being "just the two of us". And we like it! We are finally at a place financially where we are no longer struggling and we can actually afford to go out to dinner, go on vacation, go shopping.. you know, actually enjoy our lives without all of the budgeting and scrimping and saving and worrying. And just so you know, I do realize how totally selfish that sounds but its the truth.

Thats the problem with waiting this long to have a family..we actually know what we'll be missing! ;)

BUT truly, we're ready and we're willing to make that sacrifice.. Our baby is totally worth it. However, I have to be honest, its still a present thought in our minds.

The other concern is Stuart's job situation. Oh, yes.. his glorious job!

We moved way the heck out here in the big, middle of nowhere Tennessee (truthfully we love it and are happy to be here, but still!) for his stupid job and a potentially amazing, life-changing career opportunity, blah blah blah. Thennnnn the stock market crashed and one super giant of a company (we won't mention any names) became Satan overnight and his future with the company and in this industry suddenly went *Poof*!

And to tell you the truth, he's been unhappy and unchallenged in this job since we moved here. But he stuck with it. He's not one to give up and he would never want to let me down... So he's suffered through all of the crap and mental-torture just to give us stability and financial certainty. I love my husband.. he's such a good man. He deserves something better, I know. Therefore with life, ever-changing as it is, we are at a fork in the road..

Does he stay in an industry with fewer and fewer jobs & less and less opportunities to advance.. that he also happens to despise?? OR do we take a MAJOR (seriously, major) leap of Faith at this time of trying to adopt and start our family, when stability and financial certainty are so important?

If he goes down this path he is leaning toward, his income will be cut in half for the next two years and then for 2 years after that, it will slowly creep back up to what he earns now. So in 4 years, he'll be making the same amount that he makes now. Eventually, he will earn more, of course. Initially though, it will be much, much less.... BUT he'll be happy and fulfilled and actually excited about his future.

When I put it like that, how could we possibly say "no", right?

The only problem is the financial part. His income dropping would mean that mine would need to remain stable.. that's no problem except the whole "baby" part.

I mean, will we be able to afford for me to go down to working 4 days a week so I can enjoy having the family we've waited 10 years to have? Yes. BUT what about daycare for those 4 days? That's something extra that we don't currently budget for that is really expensive..

Being the planner and over-analyzer that I am, I've crunched the numbers (shocker, I know) and the problem is that we would once again be struggling. Well, not struggling-struggling but we would certainly not be living like we are now! Annnnd there we are back to #1.. I'm selfish. Boo!! Ah well, the truth is the truth, I guess.

So there it is.. Our issues lined up. Raw, honest, unattractive as they may be.. We're working through them. Trying anyway..

Growing.. Becoming.. Believing..

This is all just a part of our journey.. "Stuart and Summer's". It doesn't change anything, really. It just makes our life more interesting.. and aggravating! ;) I think in the end, we'll be better people for all of this and better parents, too. Hopefully!

Trusting in Someone outside of myself is still my biggest struggle in life.

Not that I think that I'm super-amazing or anything. That's actually the problem! I know without a doubt that I'm not! I am 100% positive that I don't know what the crap I'm doing. I'm lost, confused, and I know that I do not have all of the answers. BUT at the same time, I know myself and I know what I will and won't do.

I guess when you get down to it, I simply know myself better than I know God.. and unless and until that changes, my struggle will always remain the same...

Torturing myself, fighting for control of something that is completely uncontrollable..

I really need to change that.. because I really want Peace in my heart.

Wow.. what a tangent! Sorry!

Clearly, I'm long-winded tonight.

Sooooo back to the point....

Basically we're filling out the paperwork this weekend. Getting it out ASAP! Filing it with the agency.. bring on that homestudy! Let's get this thing started, baby!!

No more procrastinating, worrying, doubting, over-analyzing-planning.. (at least I'll try not to anyway).

This dream was placed on our hearts a very long time ago.. It right and its real.

But its a scary thing to know that I'm in total control of changing my life for better or for worse in one single decision.. To know that giving in to my fears and doubts could actually prevent us from experiencing the greatest blessings and purest joys of our lives...

Knowing all of that... and yet, I still hesitate.

Boo again!

Clearly I have issues! haha. Just trying to figure it all out..

Anyway, thanks for listening/reading/giving a crap ;)